The Colin Sphinctor Band

Sphinctor Stuph

The Colin Sphinctor Band
Released 2008

The Songs:

Puff Up For Me Johnny: The Spin: High Roller: Fist Full of Polka: Tucumcari Tonight: Gaggle of Love:
From Abbasid to Zagroes: Nine Pound Roach Clip: I Am: Can't Get Her Out Of Your Heart: The Great Divide:
Wearing My Heart On My Sleeve: The Executive Washroom

Song clips:

Puff Up For Me Johnny
The Spin
Fist Full of Polka
Gaggle of Love
The Executive Washroom

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Lyrics
The Colin Sphinctor Band

PUFF UP FOR ME JOHNNY
Jim Findlay/ John Garbo

Twenty four seven three sixty five
There’s a smoke and a joke, a shuck and a jive
No doubt about it there’s a buzz in the hive
You do what you do just to get by

Chorus
Puff up for me Johnny
Puff up for me Johnny
Puff up for me Johnny
Johnny puff up for me

Thin suit on a very fat man
Reflection turned by slight of hand
Like a swollen stomach on a hungry pup
What goes down must come up

Repeat Chorus
Puff up for me Johnny
Puff up for me Johnny
Puff up for me Johnny
Johnny puff up for me

Bridge
Histamine, histamine
The finest reaction,
I’ve ever seen

Seven years bad luck and a dog leg right
Full moon ego is howling tonight
Don’t worry about it your conscience is clear
It’s not what you think it’s just what you fear

Repeat Chorus
Puff up for me Johnny
Puff up for me Johnny
Puff up for me Johnny
Johnny puff up for me

I shine my light in a deep dark hole
I huff and i puff then we rock and roll
A fur lined nest in a tall oak tree
Was it good for you it was good for me

Repeat chorus
Puff up for me Johnny
Puff up for me Johnny
Puff up for me Johnny
Johnny puff up for me

The Spin
John Garbo & Rod Garbo

When I was born they told me son
You’d better get up on the run
You got to go and go and go and don’t ask why
Though you try you just can’t win
As all the crazy sucks you in
But the day you quit is the day you’re going to die

And when you’re up you find you’re just farther from the ground
As memories and dreams keep turning you around

So you take your life and you let it spin
You learn to love and learn to sin
You say hello and then you say good-bye

Sorrow comes and then it goes
Down the drain of life it flows
Don’t bother to get caught up in the chase
Make the best of circumstance
Keep your head and take a chance
Hoping you’re the one that draws the ace

And the tune inside your head is just coming from within
As the rhyming and the timing begs you to begin

So you play the game you compensate
You hang on tight and learn to wait
You’re here then gone and never leave a trace

Where you start is where you end
Makes no difference where you’ve been
Just do your best and look them in the eye
All you are is all you own
But the rest is still unknown
So spread your wings and teach yourself to fly

And when you’re all alone and the night grows dark and cold
You finally realize there’s no secrets to be told

So you plan ahead, you set the date
You sew your dreams then irrigate
And pump and pump until the well runs dry

High Roller
Jim Findlay

He was a high roller, a man of means
High roller, with old funky blue jeans
Smooth talker, feed you a line
Cock watcher, cause money is time

Well he remembers the 60’s protests
When everybody was proud and thin
But it got kind of hard to remember where he started
When the money came rolling in

He was a high roller, a man of means
High roller, with old funky blue jeans
Two timer, he’s ready to run
Light sleeper, cause business is his only fun

Yeah he burned his draft card
And marched down to Birmingham
Singing we shall overcome
But the fact is that he didn’t overcome nothing
When everything is said and done

He was a high roller, a man of means
High roller, with old funky blue jeans
Pill popper, keeps him in tune
Heart stopper, will end it all soon

And all his friends and relations that attended the service
Said he never looked better to me
It’s just a shame that a guy with such promise
Had to die when he was forty three

He was a high roller

Fist Full of Polka
Findlay/Garbo

Oh me und Honsey went out with the girls for to dance
He wore his leather breaches and me my kaki pants
We picked the girls up and took the train to Berlin
We got to the club and then the dancing did begin

Now two fellows came up to us and asked the girls to dance
We didn’t think much of it then we weren’t there for romance
Then they started trying hard for to give the girls a kiss
We stepped in and told them, “stop! or you’ll get some of this”

Chorus
They got a fist full of polka - We’re going to dance all night
Oh a fist full of polka - A left and then a right
And when they all are lying there - and bleeding on the floor
They’ll get a fist full of polka - and then we’ll dance some more

Honsey saw a poster that was hanging on the wall
It said if you can stay three minutes then the winner will take all
He was a kung fu master he’d never lost a bout
Honsey turned to me and said, “but he’s never fought a Kraut

”Honsey pushed me in the ring and we began to fight
The kung fu master had the upper hand for most the night
He put me in the pretzel hold been broken by no man
Then Honsey said, “hey Fritz, hold on!” and he started up the band

Who’s that knocking on my door?
Who’s that knocking on my door?
Who’s that knocking on my door?
It’s a fist full of polka

Tucumcari Tonight
Findlay/Garbo

It’s just a little town in the middle of nowhere
but I can’t wait till it comes into sight
There’s a pretty little girl who’s waiting for me yes it’s
Tucumcari tonight

Twenty-seven hours at 80 miles an hour
because she said that she just might
Make me the happiest man in the valley and it’s
Tucumcari tonight

Chorus
Tucumcari tonight,
Tucumcari tonight
I can’t wait to get back to New Mexico
It’s Tucumcari tonight

When the day goes down on Tucumcari
everything’s going to be all right
There’ll be a smile on the lips of one lucky little lady and it’s
Tucumcari tonight

Through the sunroof I can see the millions of stars
so far from the city lights
Slow it down daddy, speed it up mamma it’s
Tucumcari tonight

Chorus

I can hear her voice above the highway noise
On the wind coming from above
Hurry home to me, hurry home to me
You’re the one that I love

It’s just a little town in the middle of nowhere
but I can’t wait till it comes into sight
There’s a pretty little girl who’s waiting for me yes it’s
Tucumcari tonight

Tucumcari tonight, Tucumcari tonight
I can’t wait to get back to New Mexico
Tucumcari tonight

Tucumcari tonight, Tucumcari tonight
Once is not enough, no
once is not enough
Oh I’ve got to get back to New Mexico

And Tucumcari tonight

Gaggle of Love
Findlay/Garbo

I got a gaggle of love for you honey
Way down in my heart
I got a gaggle of love for you baby
It’s tearing me apart

I call your name, I get down on my knees
I love you more than a plate of black-eyed peas
You’re even better than a good hard sneeze

I got a gaggle of love for you honey
Leaves a lump in my throat
I got a gaggle of love for you baby
I think you got my goat

I’m pulling my hair and rubbing my eyes
I love you more than a Lincoln and an apple pie
It’s one of those things money can’t buy

Come to me baby, come to me bay, come to me
I want to love you, I want to love you,
oh darling can’t you seeI got

A gaggle of love for you honey
Running down my leg
I got a gaggle of love for you baby
Please don’t make me beg

I’ll mortgage the house,
I’ll buy us a car
I’ll even sell my Bently guitar
I’ll make you feel bigger than a Hollywood star

From Abbasid to Zagroes
(From A to Z)
Findlay/Garbo

Grandpa stands a mumbling
Talking to himself
About how it was before
He was placed upon the shelf

His novels and his poems
Have fallen by the way
As the revenue man, real sly-like says
That’s the price you got to pay

Chorus
But I needn’t worry you
With such troubling details
For I know your time is short
And your nerves are much too frail

Your ulcer’s on the budget
And your nose is to the wheel
While you’re trying hard to forget
What it’s like to feel

They say don’t trust rusty nails
And hammers that aren’t too new
but what happens when
they come banging around on you?

Oh, the laughing children place their bets
As they cast out the dice
Ignoring the pigeon feeders
Handing out free advice

Chorus
But I needn’t worry you
With such troubling details
For I know your time is short
And your nerves are much too frail

The gray suits and levis
Gather round the workhouse well
To drink their fill of chance
As the churches ring their bells

And still you keep on asking me
How could i go on?
The answer lies within you see
But you refuse to be shown

Chorus
But I needn’t worry you
With such troubling details
For I know your time is short
And your nerves are much too frail

Nine Pound Roach Clip
Jim Findlay

I was sitting in the park late Saturday night
Just a looking for somebody who could give me a light
I was down to my last two roaches don’t you see
So I was looking for somebody who could share them with me

Then out of the darkness there strolled up a man
About six foot four with these really large hands
When I saw what was hanging from the belt of his pants
I knew I was the victim of circumstance

It was a nine pound roach clip (hanging on his hip)
It was a nine pound roach clip (looking so fine)
It was a nine pound roach clip (hanging on his hip)
It was a nine pound roach clip (I wish it was mine)

Well I handed him the roaches and we fired them on up
And the first wave it hit me like a loaded Mac truck
Then I looked down at the roach clip that I had in my hand
This is really cool he said let me show you this man

It was a pliers and a tweezers and a tiny kazoo
A can opener a hatchet and a knife that was blue
Two kinds of screwdrivers phillips and flat
And a 40 meg computer can you imagine that

A socket set a crowbar and a 20 ton vice
A guitar tuner and a solar cooker for rice
A spoon and a fork and a 30 tooth saw
And a fold out naked pin-up of Ali McGraw

I Am
Findlay/Garbo

I’m a square peg in a round hole
I’m a gasoline engine burning coal
I’m a lonely man standing in a crowd

I got foot in mouth and tongue in cheek
I got no paddle but I’m up that creek
And I’m having more fun than should be allowed

I am
I am
I am
I am

I’m born again, praise the Lord
I’m a Lexus man driving a Ford
And I’m wondering what the hell I’m doing here
i ain’t going nowhere just walking around

Taking a tour through the lost and found
But I’m thinking it’s mostly smoke and mirrors

I am
I am
I am
I am

Well I’ve been here and I’ve been there
I’ve been long and short and middle haired
And they tell me if I don’t stop I’ll go blind

I’ve scrubbed the floor and I’ve climbed the walls
And seen the truth inside a bathroom stall
But where you seek is surely where you’ll find

Now I’ve been loved and I’ve been dumped
I’ve taken my licks and given some lumps
But I guess it all evens out in the end

I’m not what I was nor what I’ll some day be
I’m just a present tense refugee
All I’m really doing is looking for a friend

I am
I am
I am
I am

Can’t Get Her Out of Your Heart
Findlay/Garbo

I don’t know why it was her
I could see she was more than the rest
Thought I’d have the nerve to tell her
But I couldn’t get it off my chest
I dreamed that we were dancing
My arms wrapped around her waist
Then like a door closing suddenly
The whole scene was erased

So I stood there frozen
wearing some stupid grin
While all the time I struggled
to hide the fool within

Can’t run …time is not your friend
Can’t hide…you loved her from the start
Too bad…too late to pretend
So sad…you can’t get her out of your heart (repeat)

I was stepping off the cross town eight
On my way from somewhere
When I saw her sitting in an outdoor bar
She had yellow ribbons in her hair

But I stood there like a mannequin
With arms and legs that would not bend
Her eyes were flashing signals
That I could not comprehend

When she smiled my eyes retreated
to some point of no return
And I walked away so timidly
I guess I’ll never learn

The Great Divide
(On Becoming An Educated Person)
Findlay/Garbo

Some days I don’t like my coffee
Some days I don’t like my tea
Some days I don’t like my coffee
Singing the blues back to me

Now, here I stand on my side
As you stand upon yours
Torn apart by our foolish pride
Not suspecting there could be more

Who will be the first brave soul
To open arms out wide
Who will be the first to have the courage
To cross the great divide
To cross the great divide

As it was in the beginning
So shall it always be
There’s no victory in winning
Unless we both agree

In the mystic garden
Where only we reside
There’s no me and there’s no you
Across the great divide
Across the great divide

Some days I don’t like my coffee
Some days I don’t like my tea
Some days I don’t like my coffee
Served with disharmony

Wearing My Heart
Findlay/Garbo

I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve
I’ll be your Adam you be my Eve
Please won’t you stay
Can’t live without you for another day
I’m telling you
Wearing my heart on my sleeve

Ready or not here I come
Deny it all you want but honey you’re the one
Don’t run from me
Because you know what’s going to be will be
Hide your eyes
Ready or not here I come

No doubt about it this is it
We’re putting it together bit by bit I can’t get enough
So come on baby and call my bluff
Can’t you see
No doubt about it this is it

I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve
I’ll be your Adam you be my Eve
Please won’t you stay
Can’t live without you for another day
I’m telling you
Wearing my heart on my sleeve

Executive Washroom
Jim Findlay

In the executive washroom we have such fun
We say the dirty word and chew the bubble gum
Oh we do all the things that they don’t want us to do
If you play our little game we have a key for you

Oh the board of directors we meet once a week
We make all our decisions sitting cheek to cheek
At the end of the meeting we all get down on our knees
Till one of us jumps up and says excuse me please

In the executive washroom we have such fun
We say the dirty word and chew the bubble gum
Oh we do all the things that they don’t want us to do
If you play our little game we have a key for you

Oh we can phone while we sit or we can phone while we stand
And we can watch the lectric dryer dry our lilly white hands
At the push of a button we get cologne in our face
And if we make a mess we don’t have to clean up the place

In the executive washroom we have such fun
We say the dirty word and chew the bubble gum
Oh we do all the things that they don’t want us to do
If you play our little game we have a key for you

Oh the blue collar workers they think we’re all stuffed
For the Perrier we drink and the cigars that we puff
But underneath the surface we are just like you
We stand up for number one and sit for number two

In the executive washroom we have such fun
We say the dirty word and chew the bubble gum
Oh we do all the things that they don’t want us to do
If you play our little game we have a key for you

The Music of the Sphinctor:

Ever wonder where all the Sphinctor sounds originate?

It seems like where ever you turn you hear tunes streaming out of radios, iPods, MP3 players, heck it’s even on the Internets. Like the 150,000 gallons of water per second pouring over Niagara Falls the music industry keeps cranking out music to our delight and sometimes consternation.

Well, we are here to lift the lid on how some of our songs are created and give you a peek into the soft underbelly of our song writing process. Now, we can’t speak for Dylan, Lennon, Kobain, the Boss, Beethoven, Williams (Hank not Andy) or any other of the great song writers but we do have intimate knowledge of how the Colin Sphinctor Band’s songs came to fruition. Since all of the band’s songs are original, we were there when they were written (most of the time anyway).

In The Stories Behind the Songs, we tell some interesting (at least to us) stories of how some of the songs came to be. No, none of them were handed to us from some bearded guy holding two stone tablets coming down from some mountain or were written shortly after being struck by lightning, but the real stories of how some of our songs were written are somewhat entertaining and enlightening.

First some background, there are three songwriters in the band, Jim Findlay, John Garbo, and Jay Schober who write songs both independently and collaboratively. Each of the trio has a unique approach to writing songs, and if you listen closely you can often hear the individual styles represented even in the collaborative songs. For example, Jay went through a period where he was unnaturally fixated on Duncan Hines, so if you hear Duncan mentioned chances are you just experienced Jay’s warped mind is at work. Another interesting factoid is that Jim and John wrote their first song together before they even met. John, who worked with Jay gave him the lyrics of a song who then passed it to his friend, Jim who proceeded to put music to it. And thus, sight unseen John and Jim began a song writing team that has lasted over three decades. The interesting thing is that neither of them can remember the song that got the partnership rolling. Jim and John collaborated on many songs from 1975 through 1979 and then took a 25 year break from writing together and then began writing songs again in 2005.

So sit back and enjoy learning how some of the sausage that is our songs have been made.

From Abbasid to Zagroes (a.k.a. From A to Z)
This is the oldest collaborative song that survived the early efforts between Jim and John. It was written circa 1974 and was a “hand-off” song where John wrote the lyrics and then gave them to Jim who put it to music. As John sometimes does he took an existing tune (this time a song by Bob Dylan) started to write lyrics to that tune and then went off in some direction that Dylan himself would not recognize. John never tells Jim the tune he used partly because Jim doesn’t want to be unduly influenced as he comes up with a tune of his own and partly because by the time John gets finishes with the lyrics there is little or no resemblance to the original tune anyway, so why bother? This song was reworked in 2007, dropping a verse and reworking some of the original lyrics. Much to Jim’s amazement and sometimes frustration John can never seem to leave well enough alone and never considers a song complete, even after 30 years of singing it the same way. He’s always tweaking and changing, sometimes to update the lyrics but more often to smooth out some rough edges that has bugged him for years. Wow, talk about compulsive, but hey, what would the Colin Sphinctor Band be without at least one anal retentive character in the mix?

I Am
This song was born in the late 1970s in the form of lyrics John wrote while in his “Dylan” period. Once again he started writing lyrics to a Dylan tune and then the lyrics quickly degenerated into something all together different. Jim and John kicked around ideas for a tune but never came up with anything at the time, so the lyrics were tucked away in their “odds and ends” folders to be looked at “someday”.

Fast forward this story 30 years to 2006 with Jim and John sitting one day around trying, unsuccessfully, to come up with an idea for a song. Turning up dry, John went home and started getting ready to leave for a week’s vacation with his wife, Debbie. John decided to bring along his “odds and ends” folder to clean it out while he was on vacation. During the clean out session he came across I Am which was written all those years ago and deciding that there was potential in the song started working on it. The week after returning from vacation John was still refining the I Am lyrics while waiting for Jim to come by. Jim came in and immediately asked why John was working on I Am when he saw what he was working on. Jim was grew excited as he went to his bag and pulled out the song he started working on the previous week which was, you guessed it, I Am. So, after not talking about this song for nearly 30 years both Jim and John, independent of each other, decided to work on the same song in the same week. John reworked the lyrics a bit while Jim put the finishing touches on the tune and, after a 30 year gestation period, I Am was born. Note, one of the lines requiring updating from the 1970s required changing, “I’m a Cadillac man driving a Ford” to, “I’m a Lexus man driving a Ford”. Such are the times in which we live.

Tucumcari Tonight:
Tucumcari Tonight is another “handoff” song where John wrote the lyrics and gave them to Jim. Jim then reworked some of the lyrics to them fit into his musical arrangement. This is the first song Jim wrote on the piano.

Puff Up for Me Johnny
Puff Up for Me Johnny was thirty years in the making, the story goes like this. John went on a vacation out west in 1975. Just before he left he purchased a small amount of ‘herbal’ recreation. There must have been something in the herbs because every time John ‘puffed up’ he literally puffed up. The entire right side of his face swelled up for a few hours. After a couple of these sessions John figured out what was happening and found other forms of recreation for the duration of the trip.

When John returned from vacation he told Jim about the experience, without a further thought, Jim picked up his guitar, strummed out the chorus, “Puff up for me Johnny, puff for me Johnny” and then proceeded on to other frivolity and put “puff up” he hind him. But John kept this in the back of his mind for 30 plus years.

One day in 2005 John approached Jim with an idea to write a song around the thirty year old refrain. The song has four stanzas with each stanza representing a different type of “puffing up”. The first obviously deals with puffing up with drugs, the second addresses weight gain, (thin suit on a very fat man) then it turns to the darker of side of bulimia (a reflection turned by a slight of hand….what goes down must come up), the next stanza focuses on the puffing up associated with ego (it’s not what you think it’s just what you fear), and then the last stanza focuses on sex (what took you so long?). The bridge is a tribute to the histamine reaction which is what got the whole thing started off in the first place.

A Fist Full of Polka
This song was written in 2006 and is primarily the brain-child of Jim. Jim and John got together to write songs one evening when Jim told John he had an idea for a polka song. John would have been surprised if it had been any person other than Jim, but with Jim John has learned to expect the unexpected. Jim picked up his guitar, John picked up his pad of paper and a pen and then the tune and lyrics flowed out of Jim faster than John could write down the words. John’s only contribution to the song is suggesting replacing “panting on the floor” with the phrase “bleeding on the floor”. In addition John helped to formulate the “plot” for the third verse. Other than that, the song is pretty much work of Jim.

Wearing My Heart
Some songs don’t have a very interesting story behind them. This is one of them.

Gaggle of Love
One day in 1978 Jim told John that a “gaggle” is a one (1) followed by 100 zeros. Well, John was quite impressed with such a large number and decided to write a love song titled “Gaggle of Love” to show his girlfriend, soon to be wife, exactly how much he loved her. John went off and wrote the song and brought it to Jim to put music to it. When Jim saw the song, he said that had made a mistake and the term he meant to say was “google” not gaggle. Well, it was decided that a Gaggle of Love was meant to be, and A Gaggle of Love was played at John’s wedding later that year. As it turns out it is a good thing that we stuck with Gaggle because now a days everyone would be wondering what a popular Internet search engine has to do with love. P.S. the song must have worked, John and Debbie just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary.

The Great Divide (On Becoming an Educated Person)
This song was originally written in 1976 to be sung a cupola using a phony English accent (for effect). Tim Wood, an early Sphinctor helped John put his words to music. There the tune sat unperformed for 30 or so years. Fast forward to the year 2006 and to the newly rekindled song writing efforts of Jim and John. John decided that there was a potential for a rework there and gave the lyrics to Jim. After Jim put a new tune to the words he suggested that we write a bridge to it, thus, the two bridges were written to complement the born again song. The subtitle, On Becoming an Educated Person) was the title of a book John was reading when he wrote the original lyrics.